If Jesus Was On Facebook

Hello. My name is Jesus of Nazareth. I am the son of God and have come to preach God’s word to man. I thought Facebook would be a good place to start with so many million faces to talk with.


Susan: Hey what about women? As in the womb of men?

Jesus: All men and women are God’s children. Man is a short way of saying mankind.

Susan: Still don’t like but okay. Preach on!

Jesus: Today I spoke to many followers of The Word on Mount Olive. My followers filmed my sermon and I’m posting it here for those of you who could not make it to the mountain.

Roman Legionnaire: I watched the video and was not impressed.

Jesus: I have proven I am the Son of the Father many times. I raised Lazarus from the dead.

Lazarus: Hey I’m the Lazarus you raised form the dead. I hate you for bringing me back to this camel dung heap. Thanks a lot. Not!

Jesus: I’m sorry you feel that way. Its part of God’s plan and you are among the blessed.

Lazarus: Blessed my He-Haw Ass. There was nothing but oblivion. Even a truly bad day here in the village is a nicer place to be.

Jesus: Oblivion is but a waysation on the path to heaven. A gate before the throne. God would not have sent you back if you had passed though to the Heaven from which I come.

Lazarus: Then I can’t wait to die again and get past all that nothing.

Peter: I have written down some of the words of my Lord here, and for those few of you who can read, I heartily suggest you spend the time and commit them to your memory.

Judas: Ha! I’d have to go away and live in a cave to do that!

Paul: Well here’s another link to some of the words I captured and I added some nice pictures of Jesus and his wife Mary as well. The kids in the background are also his.

Susan: Cute kids!

Margaret: I didn’t know he had so many! And they are cute.

Rabbi Abraham: Are they also the Sons and Daughters of God?

Jesus: No, sorry but they are the issue of Mary and I, as human as any children born of woman and man. I am who I am.

Rabbi Abraham: So what does that mean ‘I am who I am’? I am who I am also.

Jesus: It means I am the Son of The Father. I am who I am. Get it? Only my Father is God the Almighty. Now do you get it?

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